Curious about ethical non monogamy?
Polyamory. Ethical non monogamy. Open relationships.
Non-monogamous relationships have become vastly more popular in the last few years and they have a lot to teach us whether we ultimately decide to be non-monogamous or not. Lots of clients come to our practice to troubleshoot their relationships and learn more about how to have healthier connections of all kinds. As a therapist, I have found that learning about ethical non monogamy benefits our relationships in general. After all, who doesn’t want to foster trust, open communication, emotional awareness and interdependence in their lives?
My clients often ask where they can learn more about ethical non-monogamy and relationships and these are three books that I recommend.
Polysecure by Jessica Fern
This book gives an excellent overview of the many different relational styles that are included in the non-monogamous sphere. Most importantly, it covers how attachment styles and trauma intersect and can affect how we relate to others and to ourselves. It is a great resource to help you get a handle on how to talk about what kinds of relationships you want while learning more about how you can actually bring your desires to life. There are many practical exercises as well to help you explore and learn more about your own relational patterns and develop positive emotional communication skills.
Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities - Kevin Patterson
Though this book is geared toward those who may already have more knowledge about polyamory, it is a vital resource for understanding how race intersects with ethical non-monogamy on a personal and community level. In Patterson’s own words, it is “a guide to what polyamory looks like for underrepresented polyamorists.” This book fills in the gaps that many other polyamory resources have as they are often authored by and centered around the white experience of non-monogamy and is an excellent guide for inclusivity overall.
Come As You Are - Emily Nagoski
Understanding your own sexual and romantic landscape is vital to your relationships. This book helps you get in touch with your own unique experience of desire and gives you the tools you need to communicate with your partners as well. It really breaks down the multiple ways that we humans may experience desire and helps to take away the shame that is often associated with understanding our sexual and romantic selves. Like PolySecure, there are exercises you can do to expand your understanding of yourself and your partners.
Think you benefit from learning more about ethical non monogamy? Schedule a free consultation with one of our therapists now.