Is Your New Years Resolution To Try Therapy?
Happy New Year from the Best Self Psych team!
New Years is often a season of beginnings, high motivation, and yearnings to create change. It is far too easy to get swept up with the can-do attitude at the start of the new year and set high expectations for yourself with a resolution. At times our expectations may exceed our capacities and we find ourselves burnt out and disillusioned about these new goals set on the first of January. Working on goals in therapy is not going to be an overnight shift and it is important to set realistic expectations for yourself regarding the therapeutic process. So if you’ve been bitten by the New Year’s Resolution bug and are ready to make changes with the help of therapy, here are some things to consider before starting therapy in the New Year:
It is okay to shop around for therapists. You don’t have to commit to the first therapist you reach out to. It is okay after the initial consultation or after a few sessions to assess if you feel comfortable with the individual you are inviting into your change process. The rapport someone has with their therapist can inform how the work unfolds in therapy. Each therapist may have their own approach and background, so it makes sense that you may resonate with one therapist more than another. Consultations are a great opportunity to get to know a therapist before embarking on the therapeutic journey.
Think about your goals for therapy and know you’ll likely break up a larger goal into several smaller short term ones. At times when folks begin therapy, their goal may initially be a long term goal that suggests a great level of change over time. With the help of a therapist, initial goals can be updated to better reflect the shorter term goals that will lead to making the bigger picture more possible as well as highlight the strengths and capabilities to make those shorter term goals attainable. Additionally, as life unfolds different priorities in therapy may arise. And because the circumstances of life are always changing, it is okay to pivot and shift the therapeutic goal to something more relevant to the new circumstances.
Not every session is going to leave you feeling like you’ve radically changed. Change is slow. You may leave some sessions feeling like you’ve made major breakthroughs and after some sessions it will feel more subtle. Change happens by degrees over time. A small change over time can lead you to a very different place than from where you started. Going slow can allow you to access more sustainable change vs. burning out by enacting a change that isn’t sustainable with your capabilities. Going at a slower pace can also allow you to gain more insight into what you’re working on rather than going at warp speeds toward change.
The challenging relational patterns you enact with others may show up between you and your therapist. The ways you navigate relating to others in your life may play out in how you relate to your therapist. If you tend to people-please outside of therapy, that part may also show up in the therapeutic dynamic. If you tend to be shut down or numbed out, that too may show up in session. Therapists are trained to pick up on these patterns of being and how they relate to survival. Don’t be surprised if your go to relational patterns show up in the therapeutic space. This could be a great opportunity to get to know what is behind those patterns and how to have more options in addition to the familiar ways of being.
Setbacks are normal. Healing and progress is not a linear process. Sometimes copings takeover during high stress moments. Sometimes triggers may be so stimulating that you feel like you are back at square one. Setbacks are part of change. In some ways, setbacks can help give perspective on the capabilities and alternative narratives you have been cultivating in therapy to highlight the ways that you can respond to the setback differently.
Relational therapy isn’t just for couples. If part of your New Year’s resolution is to improve a relationship with a loved one, know that relational therapy isn’t just for romantic couples. Co-parents, uncoupling couples, friendships, families, and siblings are possible treatment groups for relational repair. Some therapists work specifically with two people treatment groups for therapy, but some are able to work with family systems, community groups, parent-child dynamics, as well as nonmonogamous configurations made up of more than two people.
Best of luck on the many journeys before you in the New Year! If you are looking to try out therapy, click on one of our therapists below to set up a free consultation.