Finding a therapist who is knowledgeable, non-judgmental and understanding about consensual (CNM) or polyamory can be daunting for people who are practicing this relational orientation. Currently, cisgender heterosexual monogamous relationships are the dominant relational norms in our culture and the therapy field is catching up when it comes to having service providers for those with alternative relational orientations, sexualities, and genders. Here are a few tips to help you find a therapist who may be compatible with your relationship therapy needs with CNM/polyamory in mind:

Search Keywords and Specialized Directories: When reading about potential therapists, keep an eye out for keywords that specifically mention their experience, comfort, or expertise working with CNM relationships. Therapists may contextualize themselves as community members, indicate specialized training, or familiarity working with this population. There are also directories online that list therapists who specialize in alternative lifestyles or typically sex and gender marginalized communities. Websites like Psychology Today or Open Path Collective often allow you to filter therapists based on their areas of expertise as well as lived experience.
Ask for Referrals: Sourcing therapist referrals from your community can allow you to get the inside scoop of a therapist or private practice from those you already trust who may have experience seeking out care. Reach out to your local CNM community, be it irl or online community for recommendations for therapists who are open and understanding about consensual non-monogamous relationships.
Ask for a Consultation: Before committing to a therapist, schedule an initial consultation or phone call with a few potential therapists. Use this time to get a sense about their experience as well as approaches to working with different CNM clients. Consultations can be a helpful test run or vibe check to see what it is like to share space with a potential therapist.
Be Transparent: When reaching out to therapists, it can be immensely helpful to know what you are looking for. Are you seeking to open up a currently closed dyad? Are you and your partners thinking about child rearing collectively? Is there a specific dynamic in the relationship or rupture that needs to be prioritized in the therapy process? This will help you gauge their comfort level and expertise with your specific issue. Don’t hesitate to ask about their experience and approach to therapy with non-monogamous individuals, couples, and configurations.
Trust Your Instincts: Believe in your gut feeling when selecting a therapist. If you feel comfortable, understood, and at ease with being vulnerable during your initial interactions, it may be a good sign that the therapist could be a good fit for you. In contrast, if you sense judgment or discomfort from the therapist regarding your relationship structure, where you are at in the process, or things you’ve opened up about, it may be best to continue your search and connect with other therapists. Discuss with your partner/s about their initial gut feelings to get a gauge on fit.

Finding a therapist who is both knowledgeable and non judgmental of consensual non-monogamy/polyamory may take some leg work, but it’s key to receiving effective support in navigating the nuances of opening up and non-traditional relationships. Schedule a free consultation today to start your journey.

How To Find A Polyam/Consensual Non Monogamy Friendly Therapist