What is the connection between autism and limerence and how can therapy help?

Autism and limerence, defined as intense, involuntary romantic obsession, might seem unrelated at first but emerging research and anecdotal evidence point to intersections between the two. Understanding limerence can help autistic people who are struggling with relationships and give them insight into navigating this particular issue with their therapist. Here are a few of the ways that autism and limerence can intersect:

1. Intense Focus and Special Interests

Having intense focus on special interests is common for autistic folks. Autistic individuals often develop deep, all-encompassing fascinations with specific topics, activities, or people. Limerence, characterized by an overwhelming, obsessive attraction to another person, can manifest similarly. For an autistic person, the object of their limerence might become a special interest, leading to persistent thoughts and behaviors centered around this individual. This intensity can be both exhilarating and exhausting, impacting daily functioning and emotional well-being. Having a therapist who understands how to navigate the intersection of limerence and special interests can help you to manage the intense feelings involved in both of these areas.

2. Differences in Social Communication

Social communication differences are often a core feature of autism, including missing or rejecting neurotypical social cues and focusing on information being shared before attending to potential emotional subtext. These communication differences can amplify the experience of limerence, as navigating new or ambiguous relationships is challenging for autistic individuals. Misinterpreting the actions or intentions of the person they are fixated on can lead to heightened anxiety as well as misunderstandings or differences in how each person perceives the relationship. Your therapist can help you to refine your communication patterns to better understand the emotional context that is being conveyed, as people of different neurotypes communicate differently which can lead to misunderstandings when heightened emotions are at play.

3. Emotional Regulation Through Fantasy

Autistic individuals often struggle with emotional regulation which can impact their relationship to themselves and to others.This can intensify the experience of limerence, making the emotional highs and lows even more pronounced when they interact with the person who is the object of their fixation. However, sometimes the fantasy of the relationship itself can provide a sense of comfort and emotional regulation as it doesn’t have the ups and downs or unpredictable moments that come up in an actual relationship. Autistic individuals sometimes use the fantasy of limerence to self-regulate and prefer this to having the relationship come to fruition, as it inevitably won’t live up to the limerent fantasy. Having a therapist who understands that these fantasies have a soothing purpose is crucial to practicing compassion for yourself and navigating this intense experience.

Understanding the connection between autism and limerence can foster greater self understanding and gives you the chance to build healthy fulfilling relationships.If you feel that you are struggling with your relationships, talking to a neurodiverse affirming therapist can help you to understand how limerence may be impacting you. Click on one of our therapists to set up a free consultation call.