Do I love them? Or is it just hyperfixation?

ADHD & Attachment Styles

As human beings, we are born with the internal wiring to seek out connection in order to survive and thrive. This is known as attachment and is basically the way our nervous system and mind work together to get our needs for connection met as babies. The ways we interact with our caregivers form our first ideas of what a relationship is and these patterns form the foundation for what we call our attachment style. Think of it as a “blueprint” of how we get our needs for connection met.

Attachment styles refer to your default tendencies for how you seek connection. There is no such thing as a “bad” attachment style and they can change over our lifetime or between relationships. There are lots of good and not so good behaviors that can pop up due to our attachment styles but we can always choose positive and adaptive ways to express our needs. Different people and situations will activate different sides of your own attachment system so it’s good to know what your “blueprint” might be and go from there, as your attachment style may inform how you manage appropriate connection and space from those around you.

ADHD can present like different attachment behaviors and can accidentally cause lots of chaos in your relationships if you are unaware of how it might be showing up. For instance, ADHD can cause us to hyperfocus on a person and essentially seem low key obsessed with them as they are temporarily our main source of dopamine. However, as your hyperfocus fades and you drop back down to normal levels of interest in the person and you stop interacting as frequently or intensely, they might be confused or hurt by the change in your behavior.

Sessions with an ADHD affirming therapist can help you understand how ADHD and your attachment style might be showing up in your relationships. Given that the quality of our relationships is one of the number one predictors for good mental health and satisfaction in life, gaining self insight so you can foster good relationships is pretty important. Click on one of our therapists to schedule a free consultation so you can start exploring how to have your best relationships.