What is a poly affirming therapist and why do you need one?

Here are a few things clients have brought up in our first sessions together:

“It’s so nice to not have to explain polyamory to my therapist and just talk about what’s actually bothering me”

“Wait, you know what poly is? You don’t think I am pathologically allergic to commitment?”

“Poly isn’t a symptom of a problem! Thank you so much for getting that”

When clients said these things to me, I was stunned. How many therapists had they talked to who had unwittingly invalidated and shamed them for being polyamorous? I don’t think my clients' past therapists had bad intentions at all but they likely weren’t poly knowledgeable and certainly not poly affirming. 

So what is a poly affirming therapist?

A poly affirming therapist is a clinician who is knowledgeable about different relationship models that fall under the ENM (ethical non-monogamy) umbrella and encourages their clients to explore the relationship models that appeal to them without stigmatizing their choices. They recognize that poly relationships are a valid relational style and are not an indication of some sort of hidden pathology. They actively read up on the latest relational resources and are up for learning new things from their clients too. 

Why do you need a poly affirming therapist?

There are many reasons why you might want a poly affirming therapist. Perhaps you’ve had an experience like my clients where you came in to talk about an unrelated issue and your therapist unwittingly shut you down by saying that your poly relationship was the “real” problem. Maybe you want to troubleshoot the poly relationship you’re in and don’t want to have to educate your therapist on the basics before you delve into what’s really troubling you. It’s possible that polyamory and ethical non-monogamy interests you but you aren’t quite sure where to start and so you want to talk to a therapist who can help you explore your ideas. 

Overall, having a poly affirming therapist can help you be more at ease during sessions as you work through whatever you are bringing into therapy whether it’s related to your relational model or not. Schedule a free consultation with one of our wonderful poly affirming therapists today to see if we are a good fit for you.