How does consensual non-monogamy work?

While I can confirm that consensual non monogamy works as a relational model, I can’t tell you exactly HOW it works for you and your potential partners because every situation and person is different. A non monogamy affirming therapist can help you sort through what kind of relationship works for you because just like every snowflake is different, every relationship is unique. Much like there are 7 types of snowflakes, there are 7 dimensions that I like to explore with clients to help them sort out what kind of consensual non monogamous relationship they want.

Style: Would you like to be romantically involved with multiple people, sexually open, have a primary partner, be your own primary, hang out with your partners and their partners and perhaps all live together? This is just a small sampling of the different styles out there so getting to know your own style and that of your partners can help you craft the relationships that feel good for you.

Orientation: do you consider yourself queer, straight, bi, pan, ace, etc? Do you have different preferences for sexual or romantic or platonic connections? What kind of partners might you want and why? 

Time: What are your time commitments like both outside and in your relationships? How much time do you optimally like to invest in partnerships and how many can you realistically handle? Often we get caught up in the feeling of relationships without evaluating time, our most precious resource. It’s important to be clear and specific on this one in order to help your connections thrive.

Energy: Much like time, interpersonal energy is a valuable and finite resource. Are you typically more charged up by company or do you need solo space to refuel? Getting to know your energetic needs can help you communicate them with your partners. 

Domestic life: Do you want to live solo, with one of your partners, or with several? Your domestic situation can affect your relationships, as even in a non-hierarchical situation, you may have responsibilities and agreements in place for a shared domestic space that inform your relationship dynamics. 

Financial life: Much like the domestic sphere, it’s important to evaluate if you want to intertwine your finances with one or more of your partners. Yet again, this brings more responsibilities and agreements that can alter the landscape. 

Childrearing: Do you want kids? If so, do you want to hop into an existing family structure, have your own, adopt, etc? Sometimes raising a child can take precedence over other relationships and mini humans are quite literally dependent on you so this aspect can feature elements from all the previously mentioned spheres. 

Still have questions and want support? Reach out for a free consultation with one of our non monogamy affirming therapists now.