What The Idol ALMOST gets right about kink and trauma

Watching The Idol as a kink affirming therapist is a wild ride. Much like The Room and Showgirls, the show seems blissfully unaware of how it is a meta satire of itself instead of the stories it’s attempting to satirize, though that is the topic for another media centric blog. Spoilers abound, but here’s how The Idol almost nails the connection between kink, Dominant/submissive dynamics, trauma and creativity but wildly misses the mark and what this all has to do with kink affirming therapy.

In the 3rd episode, our troubled lead character Jocelyn reveals that her mother physically abused her with a hair brush in order to coercively control her as she managed her pop music career. Our side character who fancies himself the lead Tedros decides to use this information to re-enact Jocelyn’s abuse in order to trauma bond her to him, much like Teal Swan with a rat tail. Trauma bonding refers to the attachment that can form between an abuse victim and their abuser as abuse often follows a cycle of harm and comfort. In this case, Tedros re-enacts Jocelyn’s abuse under the guise of inspiring her in order to trauma bond her to him.

While the show writers fancy themselves to be edgy, their understanding of how Ds dynamics truly operate and how they actually can both heal trauma and lead to artistic inspiration is sorely lacking. Kink and Ds relationships can help trauma survivors gain a sense of agency over their experiences and selfhood by re-enacting or referencing moments of trauma that were outside of the victims control in a safe container where the abuse victim can control the action as they are given tools like safe words, signals, and aftercare. Had Jocelyn been treated respectfully as a submissive in a power exchange, she could have felt a sense of agency over her pain. She would have been given the chance to better understand her trauma and potentially transmute it, regaining power over herself, and her creativity. Instead we had a scene where Tedros gives all Dominants a bad reputation by abusing Jocelyn, which psychologically goes against his goal of artistically inspiring her, but that nuance is clearly lost on the writers. Not only is this a dangerous and innacurate portrayal of Ds, it’s lazy art, playing off the trope of Dominants as abusers and submissives as willing victims. It deprives Jocelyn of the chance for creative growth, which in turn goes against Tedros’ goal of acquiring money off her music and image, thus being an inconsistent mess of motives.

This brings us to the importance of kink affirming therapy. We see so many bad takes on kink and Ds in our media that it’s hard to learn how to do it well. Not everyone who is into kink and Ds dynamics has been abused of course but if someone has, it can be incredibly healing and inspiring to learn more about how these sexual interests can intersect with trauma recovery. Talking to a kink-affirming therapist can help clients work through their experiences and incorporate kink and Ds into their lives in a way that heals and inspires them. If you read this blog and feel like you’d benefit from chatting with a kink affirming therapist, please reach out for a free consultation.